Why Men Leave: Men Talk About Why They Ended Relationships, and What Would Have Changed Their Minds

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He goes off and wins seven championships he never once won before the cancer, because he got emotional fitness, psychological strength. That's the difference in human beings that I've seen of the three million I've been around. In my lab, I've had three million people from 80 countries over the last 29 years. And after a while, patterns become obvious. You see that South America and Africa may be connected in a certain way, right? Others say, "Oh, that sounds ridiculous.

So, what shaped Lance? What shapes you? Two invisible forces. Very quickly.

899 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?”

One: state. We all have had times, you did something, and after, you thought to yourself, "I can't believe I said or did that, that was so stupid. It wasn't your ability; it was your state. Your model of the world is what shapes you long term. Your model of the world is the filter.

6 Reasons People Regret Ending Relationships Too Soon | Psychology Today

That's what's shaping us. It makes people make decisions. To influence somebody, we need to know what already influences them. It's made up of three parts. First, what's your target? What are you after? It's not your desires. You can get your desires or goals. Who has ever got a goal or desire and thought, is this all there is?

Moving on when you’re still in love with your ex

It's needs we have. I believe there are six human needs. Second, once you know what the target that's driving you is and you uncover it for the truth — you don't form it — then you find out what's your map, what's the belief systems that tell you how to get those needs. Some people think the way to get them is to destroy the world, some people, to build, create something, love someone.

1. BE TOGETHER FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

There's the fuel you pick. So very quickly, six needs. Let me tell you what they are.

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First one: certainty. These are not goals or desires, these are universal. Everyone needs certainty they can avoid pain and at least be comfortable. Now, how do you get it? Control everybody?

Develop a skill? Give up? Smoke a cigarette? And if you got totally certain, ironically, even though we need that — you're not certain about your health, or your children, or money. If you're not sure the ceiling will hold up, you won't listen to any speaker.

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While we go for certainty differently, if we get total certainty, we get what? What do you feel if you're certain? You know what will happen, when and how it will happen, what would you feel?


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Bored out of your minds. So, God, in Her infinite wisdom, gave us a second human need, which is uncertainty. We need variety. We need surprise. How many of you here love surprises? TR: Bullshit. You like the surprises you want. The ones you don't want, you call problems, but you need them. So, variety is important. Have you ever rented a video or a film that you've already seen? Who's done this? Get a fucking life. Why are you doing it? You're certain it's good because you read or saw it before, but you're hoping it's been long enough you've forgotten, and there's variety.

Third human need, critical: significance. We all need to feel important, special, unique. You can get it by making more money or being more spiritual. You can do it by getting yourself in a situation where you put more tattoos and earrings in places humans don't want to know.

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Whatever it takes. The fastest way to do this, if you have no background, no culture, no belief and resources or resourcefulness, is violence. If I put a gun to your head and I live in the 'hood, instantly I'm significant.


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    How much uncertainty? Who knows what's going to happen next? Kind of exciting. Like climbing up into a cave and doing that stuff all the way down there. Total variety and uncertainty. And it's significant, isn't it? So you want to risk your life for it. So that's why violence has always been around and will be around unless we have a consciousness change as a species. You can get significance a million ways, but to be significant, you've got to be unique and different.

    Here's what we really need: connection and love, fourth need. We all want it; most settle for connection, love's too scary. Who here has been hurt in an intimate relationship? If you don't raise your hand, you've had other shit, too.

    And you're going to get hurt again. Aren't you glad you came to this positive visit? Here's what's true: we need it. We can do it through intimacy, friendship, prayer, through walking in nature. If nothing else works for you, don't get a cat, get a dog, because if you leave for two minutes, it's like you've been gone six months, when you come back 5 minutes later. These first four needs, every human finds a way to meet. Even if you lie to yourself, you need to have split personalities. I call the first four needs the needs of the personality. The last two are the needs of the spirit.

    And this is where fulfillment comes. You won't get it from the first four.

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